How many of y’all jumped up out of y’all’s britches into the ceiling after seeing the one scene, in Netflix’s promo for Lucifer Season 5B, of God (Dennis Haysbert) telling His son, Lucifer (Tom Ellis), “I’m retiring.”?!

It’s all right if the lot of y’all did. Ain’t nothing wrong with loving the devil who is the Morningstar and wanting him to rule heaven. Heck, it’s not like Lucifer is without the skill set needed in order to manage the otherworldly. Managing damned souls, demons, deities, and angels who so happen to get a cell in hell is all that being the Lord of Hell is about.

Lucifer’s brothers and sisters, on the other hand, don’t have the experience of being a ruler. They just have the experience of being followers.

Having said that, God isn’t retiring. God is just being a typical parent who’s testing His children in order to prove to them that He knows them better than they know themselves.

Y’all know I’m telling the truth because like Lucifer, y’all parents do the same thing to y’all. Right now, there are at least 10 of y’all stewing over the fact that y’all’s mammas and or daddies were right about y’all doing something that y’all swore up and down that y’all were not going to do.

It’s no different for Lucifer and his angelic brothers and sisters. God and Mama God (Tricia Helfer) know their children. “Lucifer, I’m your mother. I know you,” is what Mama God told Lucifer in Season 2 Episode 2.

God is Lucifer’s Pappy and He, like Mama God, knows Lucifer and all the other lil’ angels that He and Mama God created. And the one thing God knows about all of He and Mama God’s lil’ angels is that they would’ve stripped Him of His divine powers and threw Him off His heavenly throne back in B.C. times if they had the chance.

“No, I don’t know what Dad wants but I know what He needs,” is what Uriel (Michael Imperioli) fixed his lips to tell Lucifer before Lucifer killed him for threatening to kill Mama God and Chloe (Lauren German).

Hm, Uriel knew what God needed. Just stop and think about that for a moment, folks. It’s funny because only God knows what He, Uriel, you, me, and everybody else needs! Those who make the mistake of acting on the thought that they know more than God does end up either like Uriel, dead and buried under a tree, or like Lucifer, down in hell for all eternity.

God acts in mysterious ways. And all of this business about God retiring is nothing but God acting mysteriously in order to prove to his lil’ angels that He knows if given the chance they’ll all throw Him off His heavenly throne, down to earth into a Florida nursing home.

Mm-hmm, that’s what’s going on, there. Mm-hmm.

Correction-It was incorrectly stated that Lucifer's promo was for Seasons 5B and 6. Lucifer's promo is only for Season 5B.